Some people are able to lead others minds, controlling the direction of thought without them even knowing the trap they are falling into. Many do not recognize that shrewd deception and tactics are being used to gain control of their thinking and behavior. Personally, I think the subject of control is a serious subject and one we all need to understand.
What is a controlling spirit? How do we recognize elements of that spirit that may be in our lives? How do we deal with others that may try to control us? And how can we break free from the bondage of the wrong types of control?
How does God view control? How does He control? And when it comes to us, what type of control should we be focused on?
In the first chapters of Genesis, we read how mankind was deceived, and as a result was cut off from God and began to take the satanic nature on instead. We human beings wanted to take matters into our own hands, to get control, not understanding we are actually givingcontrol over to Satan.
And so here we are as humans with this inherent carnal nature, but God, however, still created us with intellect, with a desire to interact, and to manage the physical world around us, including other people. We’re told to subdue the earth, to have dominion over it even before Adam and Eve sinned.
That doesn’t mean control it to satisfy selfish desires, but we still have these God-given desires, what we might call “appetites” that are built into us. Our lives are governed to a large degree by these appetites. And there are a variety of them that drive our lives, physical things, such as food and water and air. Of course, we have to have them, but also spiritual level things such as love, ambition and power. If these needs and desires are used correctly, they can keep our lives and the earth in proper order.
It is a natural part of human nature to try to control our external world. This includes circumstances, and the material world around us. This need or desire to control our environment, however, can lead us to try to control other people’s lives. It can turn into a very big problem that can destroy relationships.
A person with a controlling spirit can show very obvious outward signs that we would be more familiar with, such as anger, verbal abuse, maybe even physical abuse. But most of the controlling types of interactions that people do to each other are much more subtle than that. They typically operate in a way that tries to manipulate the flow of information in order to influence decisions or outcomes. It very quickly becomes a mindset where the truth is relative.
Truth and honesty usually jeopardize control, so that just goes out the window first. The subtlety of it all is that unhealthy forms of control usually have appearances of goodness. It hides behind good sounding motives. There’s a lot of what we call “game playing” that goes on. Mental games that we do to each other to fulfill some kind of self-serving interest.
Jesus explains that those in authority may actually try to do many good things under the auspices of service, but their carnal nature leads them to believe that they’re smarter and better than everyone else, and then they seek a title, and that’s often to try to gain or retain more power (Luke 22:24-26).
Human nature turns power into fulfilling overarching self-serving interests. But we do need to realize that there is a difference between one with “a take charge ability” and one with a “controlling spirit.” They’re not always the same thing. Many people are very qualified people who know how to motivate others to work and how to get things done. These people can lead and properly control many needs and situations in a godly manner.
There may be a few who are still working through control issues on the extreme end of things, and if you don’t know whether that’s you, I would simply say, analyze your relationships. And you need to ask yourself some serious questions: “Do I have anger issues?” If so, why? “Do I trample on the privacy and boundaries of others?” If so, why? “Do I have to know the latest and juiciest information about others in the church?” If so. Why?” These can all be control issues.
And it’s also very possible that maybe you don’t necessarily have that problem, but you’re on the receiving end of it, having to deal with someone who operates very heavily with this spirit of control. It could be very difficult and a very long lived trial to endure. Within improper forms of control, there’s so many ways to hold people in bondage.
Why is it such a pervasive problem? Why? Why do some of God’s people still struggle with this? Here’s why: Because controlling others is easier than controlling one’s self. One of the hardest things to do is self-control. But it’s the opposite of control. It’s the antidote to a controlling spirit, no matter whether you’re the giver or the receiver.
A person under the trial of a controlling person can’t fight it by trying to control them back. That’s what our human nature wants to do. Self-control is very broad, pervasive, and all-encompassing, but it only comes after working towards certain steps to get there. You don’t just decide to practice self-control and snap your fingers and it’s there. We need to add to our faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control,…(2 Peter 1:5-6).
A major long-standing problem in the church is that we don’t get past the knowledge part. We think that our God-given knowledge is enough, and we don’t need to take the next step. Self-control is part of the “doing it”. But many of us refuse to do it. Just reading our Bibles and listening to sermons is not enough.
Those with genuine self-control don’t try to control others. Self-control is like paddling upstream against our nature. Whereas trying to control human beings is weakness, not strength. It’s easier to follow the path of least resistance—to go where our selfish desires take us.
What makes this point so challenging is that it’s so hard to see a controlling nature in ourselves. We excel at self-deception, not self-control. Human nature looks for ways or creates excuses to warrant or justify its behavior. However, it only takes the opening of our mind by God’s spirit to really see what that nature is like, and then come to abhor it, to change direction, and to see what its motives are. A humble heart admits that it doesn’t know itself and it commits to God for gentle guidance away from the wrong motives for control.
And as you’d imagine, God’s word puts a great deal of further emphasis on exercising self-control. And the Bible frequently associates that with our words: We can get angry, lose control and say things. We have to be very careful to not be hasty in speech. We need to think before we speak. We need to think while we’re speaking. That’s part of exercising self-control (Ecclesiastes 5:2 KJV).
2 Corinthians 10:5 is about bringing thoughts into captivity and realizing that we may have tendencies towards anger, or tendencies to be careless with people’s boundaries, or tendencies to be careless with information. We must be careful, mindful of it. The good news is that we can daily practice being careful by the deliberate exercising of self-control (2 Corinthians 4:16 NKJV).
Now switching gears just a little bit, how then does God control matters? What is God’s control like? How is His control different? First, quickly look at a few scriptures that establish His control: (Proverbs 19:21 ESV, Amos 3:6, Ephesians 1:11).
It’s about our view towards life and all that goes on in it (James 4:13-15). Again, it’s arrogant to think that we are in control. God is in control. But, He does allow us to make decisions. We are not robots. The Bible is full of God’s fervent desire for humans to turn and choose His way of life. Jesus said, “Come to me all you who are heavy laden. I’ll give you rest,” indicating choice. That’s not force. He wants us to choose. Now we must understand that He sometimes permits bad things to happen, but they all have a purpose.Â
God’s overarching plan and purpose is for our good and for the good of all humanity.
We need to understand that whatever happens is according to His will. And that’s where the faith that He gives us comes into play. But again, God’s control is considered a very broad level of control, not intrusive control. Whereas Satan sells control. His control is sold as freedom but it’s actually bondage leading to death.
God’s control is not the same. It offers true freedom. It’s a release from deceitful control and the desire within us to have control. Working towards that should not only lead us then into profound thankfulness to God, but also a fervent desire in us to live a way of life every day as an example to the rest of mankind about what freedom from control, freedom from sin, really looks like:
A five-point summary of God’s type of control:
- Its sovereignty and absolute power. God’s control is absolute. It’s inherent in His nature, as an all-powerful, all knowing Creator.
- It’s purposeful and benevolent. God works all things according to the counsel of His will. Ultimately for the good of all those who love Him and also for all of mankind. Even when His ways are beyond our understanding.Â
- His control is about freedom and responsibility. Despite God’s sovereignty, humans are considered to have free will and are held accountable by their choices. God works within the context of human choice to achieve His purposes.
- It’s about authority and guidance. God’s authority is expressed through His commands and teachings found in the Bible. And we are called to obey that, and He provides guidance and empowerment through the Holy Spirit.
- It’s about foundation of trust and hope. Understanding God’s control offers believers a foundation of trust, hope, and comfort, knowing that He is ultimately in charge.
One quick example: “ 51And it came to pass, when the time was come that he should be received up [Jesus] steadfastly set his face to go to Jerusalem, (KJV) 52and sent messengers before His face. And as they went, they entered a village of the Samaritans, to prepare for Him. 53 But they did not receive Him, because His face was set for the journey to Jerusalem. 54And when His disciples James and John saw this, they said, “Lord, do You want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them, just as Elijah did?” (Luke 9:51-54).
What was this about? They wanted to travel through Samaria and go to Jerusalem, but the people there said, “No. We control this territory. You can’t pass through it.” The disciples wanted to call down fire and gain control and get their way. But what did Jesus reply? “You don’t know what spirit you’re of.” You can’t fight a controlling spirit with the same spirit. It’s not the right way to fight a controlling spirit. If you’re under a controlling or oppressive spirit, either directly or indirectly through another person, you must exercise self-control and let God fight the battle for you. Fight it by the Spirit and not in the flesh.
A few lessons then to take away. There’s an old saying that goes like this: If you find yourself controlling others, Then you know who’s controlling you. It’s Satan the devil of course. Because it’s his nature to dominate and control others based on selfishness and it appeals to our human nature. Sin is obeying Satan’s influence over our desires, so that we will act and react in the same way.Â
Through God’s Spirit, however, we can come to see these as Satan’s lies and reject them and exercise the spirit of self-control instead. And this way leads to true freedom. God’s spirit is one of gentle leading. That’s how God Himself thinks and acts and how he controls matters. His control is supreme and it’s always done in love, and His will stands in the end while every other form of control will fail.Â
God’s form of control over our lives is very different from Satan’s, and they each have very different outcomes, or “fruits”. Examine the fruits. Examine your relationships. Examine your relationship with God. Ask Him to allow you to see your true motives so that you can sincerely ask Him to change you to be more like Him.
Tim Vail